Another year is here. Another new beginning. I like new years. Some years I am sad to see it go, other years I can't wait to flip the calendar pages for a chance to start over, and other years I just roll right into the new one not much different from the day before. As I look back at 2012 the best word to describe my year is "stretch-marks". And not the kind left over from my post-pregnancy days. The kind that you can not see on me, but the ones you feel if you were to look into my heart. For 2012 was my year to stretch...far and wide...and it left many marks.
I spent much of my last year feeling the pull God was asking from me to teach me, mold me, make me more of His...and less of mine. In many ways I feel like I slipped out of my old skin and into new, barely able to recognize some parts of who I had become along the way and oh so thankful for the chance to do better, to be better. I allowed myself the freedom to not be many things and in the process was freed to be just me in many ways I didn't know I was capable of.
So like many new years I look back and think forward for what is to come. I like to have places in my life that I am working on to better myself and often the month of January finds me scribbling some new goals down some where and making plans to plant those new goals into my every day life. Not your typical lose weight and eat better resolutions, but life growing goals that can affect me and the people around me. If you look back here, a year ago, I had put in front of me a whole list of new goals. Those goals were good things and some of them I worked on and some of them I did nothing about except think about them. I made those goals in what I might call my Martha days. In my Martha days, I was much like Martha from the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible. I spent a lot of time preparing, planning, and trying to be ready. For what? Everything. My list of things to get done seemed pages thick and the Martha in me didn't take many breaks to be much like Mary.
In the last year, especially the last 6 months, I have grown more into a Mary. For when Jesus came calling, Mary stopped everything and sat at his feet, while Martha spent time preparing for His presence. Oh, how I have been Martha so many times. I've rose early with good intentions to be with Jesus and found I could get so much more done in my laundry room before the littles woke and skipped my good intentions of meeting with my Lord. I have let myself get lost in some tunes in the car while I drive instead of turning off the noise and talking to my Savior. The one who waits for me, always. I have put my Bible by my bed to read through before I close my eyes, only to have the TV call my name while I stared away more of His time. I have let my pages of "to-do's" get checked off as I told myself when it was done...then....later...when I had time...would I sit at Jesus feet. Sigh...the Martha in me has won so many times. But in the last year, the Mary in me as been so drawn to lead my days and start my ways. And if I could sit with Mary and Martha all those years ago, I am almost sure Mary would have felt more ready for her days then Martha did, even though she was the planned one.
So in this new year, 2013, I am not making a list of new goals. I have laid before me the only thing I want to stay with me for all the years to come. To be with Jesus. Not just first thing in the morning or in my mom van by myself or as I lay my head down on my pillow. I want to open His word, as I have this last year, and drink in His living water. I want to be more like Mary and ignore the preparations around me enough to give Jesus my undivided attention. I want to let His word feed my soul and lead my life...in a way I never have before. For my eyes see clearer when I have let His truth write the ways of this world to me. This year, as I turn the pages of my calendar, I leave all the lists that should be done...and in time will be...but I am telling my heart one thing...Be with Him. Sit at His feet. Drink in His living water. Let truth shine light on my ways of this new year. And so here I go... into a new year with no plans other then to find Him along the way each day and make Him wait no more while I work away. For I have been weary and it is not only time to sit, but it is time to let Him show me just what is so important to get done each day. I will sit at His feet... I will open my eyes... I will be willing when He says He is ready for me. This year and every year, I hope. Won't you join me?