Thanks-giving

In light of one of the most celebrated American holidays, my mind is cued into what is coming. Gathering of family...the ones you don't see enough of and the ones you see too much of and the ones who walk with you through life and the ones who don't really know you. Indulging in food...the perfectly roasted turkey and the gollups of mashed potatoes and the whipped topping on top of pumpkin pies and the cranberry sauce that always leaves a stain. The football games, too...filled bellies sprawled out on couches and carpets while men snore between plays and children giggle as they find a new friend in that cousin they chase around the house. And women gather where they always gather. In the kitchen, together again. Sinks full of dishes and coffee being poured.

And on this day as families and friends gather for these predictable moments a word of thanks often gets squeezed into the day, just as predictable as the people there, the food being eaten, and the football watching that happens.

Thanksgiving...a word of thanks, a moment spoken for all we see through the hurried eyes. Family. Friends. Health. Faith. And sometimes even football.

I love what thanksgiving represents in so many ways. I love family time. I love big meals shared together. I love my boys watching football. I love giving thanks. But my hurried ways have been shaken in my recent years...and thanksgiving has become more of a thanks-giving. Thanks giving...not your one day out of the year celebration, but an every day offering that involves more then the basic family, friends, faith, and football gratitude.

During one of my most difficult seasons of life, I felt really called to slow down and learn how to really say thanks. A habit of thanks giving can change a heart. It can change a life, really. As I ached inside, I let the hurt slowly be released in the way I started to say thank you. In what I saw, when I slowed down. And I counted. All of it. And it really started to add up.

18. soft puppies
101. my swing
210. courageous friends
315. 5 year old boy
498. a hug
577. chatting with Grandma
641. a heartbeat
796. watermelon
895. a calm mind
933. good husbands
987. painted boys
1000. change

And there is more. More written down and more coming. It never stops. Unlike the one day of Thanksgiving, thanks giving keeps going...and going. Slow is the only way to live a life of full thanks giving and in the rush of our days passing by, one must see slow enough to not miss what is being offered each and every day.

So I look forward to what Thanksgiving will bring to my life. But I truly live breathing the habit of thanks giving. Alive and awake to what is being given to fill me up on His grace, His love for me, His thanks giving to my life. And in return, as I count these gifts and say thank you, I know that I must pass the main dish and offer that same grace to those gathering around my table of life.

I will gather in a few days and enjoy an all American Thanksgiving meal with loved ones. I will say thank you for family and friends and health and football. And I will mean it. But when the day is over, I know that my thanks offering will lead me into the next year when I gather again for the very same meal and the very same faces and the very same routine of what Thanksgiving is supposed to look like. For me, thanks giving happens every day. And when it doesn't, I know my life will be a few portions short of being full. Thanks giving...counting what I see, sharing what feeds me. Filling a life.

the best gift givers

Walking through the department store I see the signs of the holidays already out shining and glittery to catch all the eyes of the consumers coming in to just grab some diapers or a gallon of milk. What they usually walk out with though is a cart full of Christmas add-on's that never seem to stop finding their way into our homes. I love glitter and Christmas galore as much as the next festive person. Don't get me wrong. I indulge in the spirit of Christmas and get carried away with traditions as my children get older and look forward to them every year. I get excited when the calendar flips and says it is the day after Thanksgiving so we can go tree hunting and put a freshly cut fir in our house. I have a love/hate relationship with hanging the lights outside and getting some Christmas cards in the mail. But I also get a little burnt out on finding what should really be under our tree each year. Under our trees and in our hearts.

I spend 363 days a year trying to control the "stuff" in my house. I watch my kids play with 25% of the things they get as gifts. If you are reading this and have been a gift giver to my children, please don't take this the wrong way. We are so grateful for such gifts...my boys love having a fun new toy. But the buzz usually only lasts a short time and soon that latest action figure or Tonka truck quickly finds it way to the back of the shelf too soon forgotten. What stays fresh in front of my children's eye sight though is this...  time. Not the hour hand clicking by second by second, but the minutes spent with them. The undistracted time spent gifting them with love...and laughter...and action...and patience...and joy...and an experience. A gift that they tuck into their heart and can't open on Christmas morning, but all year through. This gift of time is not found in the glitter and the lights as you roam the stores looking for the perfect gift. It's found right where you are already. You are here. So give your time to the ones who matter the most.

A mountain of gifts under the tree doesn't make me feel more loved. Doesn't make me think "this is Christmas". I gather my children will look back some day and think the same thing. They won't remember the gifts they opened from a box, but rather the gifts they participated in through their childhood. The time they spent opening the gift of sharing a life together.

In a culture where companies hit the black this time of year, but people's souls dip into the red, why wouldn't we invest in something more for our hearts? Instead of spending every other day of the year trying to keep up with the stuff that consumes our homes, why not keep up with the little feet running ahead of us and walk along-side the bodies that need a hand, not another thing to fill them up? Wouldn't we benefit from spending our resources on a place that leaves an imprint on someones life, rather then leaves a debt to be paid in our mailbox every month? Can we see past the glitz and black Friday's deals and holiday shopping lists and really look into the souls that we are trying to buy the perfect gift for? Can we find the  time to really give what is needed, rather than give what will be forgotten as soon as that tree comes down?

I am slowly being lured into the Christmas tradition of giving less in the eyes of my culture, but in doing so...giving so much more in the eyes of those on my gift buying list. I will be playing Christmas music soon, watering a freshly cut tree in my home everyday, baking little stars and jingle bells, placing coins in the red buckets, attending parties, and most of all... I hope I will be making the time to give the gifts that really matter. Won't you join me? I have always loved giving gifts. But the best gift givers in my life are those who have given me their time. I want to keep that tradition more then any other this time of year...

(photo courtesy of http://annielockhart.typepad.com/gallery/)

it is good

Driving down the highway is one of my favorite things this time of year. Through the back-roads and along the flat Iowa land. A mid-west girl at heart, I suppose. And a little bit of country. While the height of the mountains and the never ending ocean lines take my breath away...it's the Octobers and the pink skies and the tree lines in Iowa that make me feel at home, make me feel like I'm alive, make me feel like there is truly something more then this life, and makes me see the creative eye of our Creator. Who can stand next to the colors of fall and deny a great source of beauty given to us year after year, season after season?

If you are able...and if you are willing...then stop and really look. See the greatness that starts well below the earth and reaches up to the skies declaring it's beauty...it's glory of nature. It is meant to take your breath away. The beauty that hangs from the branches and blows with the breezes of this time of year whisper... how great thou art. How great are these things that were created for us. You and me. For this world, this time, this creation. When you see the beauty that comes with this time of year and you stop to let it leave an imprint on your heart, you speak a small word of thanks for such a sight, such a piece of grace. Looking at such things helps me see our Creator and praise His works. For He is mighty and creates such beautiful things.

And what if... what if...when you looked at the October sky line in the middle of the Mid-west or wherever you are and let that place in your heart that needs reassurance be filled up? Filled with His undeniable truth that He creates beautiful things. He does. We can see it all around us. In our back-yards, in the long car rides, walking out our front doors, and across towns and country sides.

Then what if...what if you saw those fall branches and knew that He not only creates beautiful things, but He creates beautiful people too?

Today I look outside and I am humbled. Humbled that when I stop and admire the reds, yellows, and oranges  and everything in-between out my window that He also created even more...even better then this.

He created ...me...and YOU.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

The way we see the colors of fall is maybe just a glimpse of how He sees us. Yes, looking at you...looking at me. He made us for more. He made us in His image. And said it was all very good. That feeling you get when you breath in the fall air and appreciate the beauty across the trees... He feels that for you. For me. 

We are image makers, you and I. Deep down inside each of us is a beauty, a piece of art, that He wants to show the world. Because when people pass by, He wants them to stop and look... just the way we do when we see this time of year unfold around us. Live today believing that you were made with a purpose, a reason to live out the true colors of your season. Breath taking worthy for all those looking your way and a soul declaring His praise as you let your beauty touch the world. 

Go ahead and look today. Turn off the screens and tune out the noises that tell you any different. Don't miss today. Don't miss this season. Don't miss how YOU were made to be beautiful. In His image, and you are very good. Just...the...way...you...are.

who are you chasing?

I walked them to school on a crisp fall morning and knew there wouldn't be too many of these left. Mornings that left time for walking instead of driving, Mother Nature that begged us to come outside, and a boy who wanted to spend his minutes before school with his Mama instead of running off to be with friends.

 I look back and remember this day...the tiredness that was in my bones at that time and the weariness that was in my heart...and it slightly comes back to me. Like it is sitting on my shoulders again and I remember how hard it was just to stand up and keep moving. If I close my eyes I can go back there for just a moment. To throw clothes on and find a smile for them and keep moving. I had all I had asked for...I should feel joy. This stroll before school should feel...happy. Then why did I just feel like crying? So why was it so hard to find the joy in the moment?

I had married the man and had the house and the American dream of 2.5 kids...I had a new baby boy and I pushed him that early school morning and chased the idea of what a good mom was supposed to do. But I didn't feel good. I didn't feel mom worthy. I didn't feel Him holding my hand as I grasped theirs.

I don't know if it was the sun peeking out through the trees that line the school street or the wind kissing my face or the three boys filling the air with their God given voices that day... but it was His I heard over it all. I pushed and walked and looked...and there I saw them. My children. The ones I wanted to get dressed for and find that smile for and tell the world that I was overly joy filled to be right here with them. And then like a whisper His words filled my morning and I saw my kids for the first time in a way I had never really looked before...

Love Me more than them.

I was in the middle of my dream life and couldn't find the happy ever after that was supposed to follow... I was chasing them, loving them...not Him.

I was fighting to be my best for them. I was living to make them happy. I was running after a dream that was never going to come to life. Not the way I was doing it. Not the way He intended it.

I think it is easy, us mothers chasing the heart of our children...when really, we need to chase after the One who made them. Because He is the reason we find joy, receive grace, and we get to feel it when we're living for Him. Our children will never fill those hard to reach places the way only He can. We can be the best mom ever and still feel that brokenness that comes with ignoring His grace for our lives. Oh, don't get me wrong... I am still pushing strollers and holding crying babies and spending fall mornings with my bunch and pouring most of my  physical self into them. But I see them different now...I see Him before them. I try to chase His heart, instead of winning over my kids each day... And in doing so, I usually find I fill theirs much better after I've found Him first.

Today I sat and watched the snow come down over the October colors that filled my yard and I remembered that fall morning two years ago... I remembered that even though my hands would brush tears away and hold hands and feed mouths and hold on a little longer to one more story...these days are full of joy. Joy that shows up because I have started loving not only them in the way I care for them, but I love the One who brushes my tears away and holds my hand and fills my hunger and always holds me... just a little longer... Joy that can be found in the hard places when we're chasing Him before everyone and everything else.

Because He loved first, so we could love. And He lived first, so we can live. Look up before you kneel down today... and remember that He loves them more then you do, He loves you more then you let Him, and you can love from those hard to reach places if you can chase after His heart first.

if we could only see past the storms

I drove by this remarkable tree the other day and was so caught by it's new beauty that I came back later just to snap it's glory reaching up to the skies again. This tree, in my town...on a busy street...where people drive by and walk by and run by and bike by...is a glimpse we probably all take for granted. This landmark tree has stood here for as long as I have been here. Carefully crafted tree trunk and once upon a time, large... stand the test of time branches sat on top of it. A few years ago a nasty wind brought the limbs tumbling down and I remember wondering if the home owners would save the trunk. Would see the beauty still rooted deep in the ground and give it a chance to be nurtured...and grow...and stand tall again. 

 

Often times it is what sits below the surface that decides if we stand or fall. The place our roots dig deep into, this is where we find strength...or we don't. 

It's what we don't see that makes a person stand tall, even amongst the strongest winds. And it is what we don't see that makes a person break. Because on the outside whether the biggest tree or just you, roots are planted some where...and storms come. And some will stay. And some will fall.

 

And as we walk a journey through the most beautiful days and we walk through some of our biggest storms, we must choose to be planted some place. Sometimes He asks us to let go, break free of something that was once beautiful...and start new. Be broken to be beautiful again.

It is hard to see such a beautiful thing fall down. It is hard to accept that something could be made better, if only we would open our hands to the strong winds passing and keep our roots in place while we let the best of us fall down. But as a tree loses a piece of it's beauty one by one, we too must let the old trickle off so something new can be started. 

 

 And sometimes it feels like the very best of us has been stripped away...and we linger a bit longer on what was... trying to pick up what we used to be, instead of seeing what we could be.

 You may have to plant a whole new tree. And trees take time. You may have to cut off what you think is the best part of those big beautiful branches. You may have to face the storm and let it break what needs to be broken...

Because if you don't give in to the pruning that comes with life, you will never see from here...

 See that no matter how big or small or beautiful or broken you are...

 That something wonderful can come from a little nurturing, from roots growing in the right places so that the thick trunks of life can still stand...and be beautiful again, even after the best pieces are taken. But remember, new beauty takes time to grow... and you just might look one day and see it is finally blooming again.

every mom needs a friend

Today is one of my dearest friend's birthdays. And it just got me to thinking about how life is just so much sweeter with friends. Not just see ya at the ball fields friends or the see you on Sunday morning friends or the thanks for the Christmas card friends. But the kind of friends who not only see you at the ball fields, but show up with snacks for the team when it was your turn to bring them and you forgot and guess who you can call still on their way to grab snacks for 10 little stinky and sweaty 9 year olds. Or that friend who calls you to see where you've been when you haven't made it to church for 4 weeks in a row and well, she was counting and not to judge, but only noticed because she really cares about what is keeping you from church these days. And how can she help you get back? Or the friend whose Christmas card comes in the mail...or not at all...and you still know everything about their last year even though you didn't get the Christmas card letter update. There are friends. And then there are friends.

You know, motherhood is one of those things in life that is just much better with friends. Those kind of friends who you call last minute and they notice when you are gone and they know every little and big event from your last 365 days. And even better, they still LIKE you. In a lonely world and a do-it-all by yourself culture, motherhood is one area I would suggest having some real friends.

If you pray for anything for yourself during the motherhood years, pray for a real friend or two. Because we all need a friend who knows our good days and our bad days. We all need a friend who we can call when we're excited about life and when we are drowning in life. We needs friends who go to bat for us and cheer us on. We need friends who do the inconvenient for us and hold the flash-light for us when we just can't see through the fog...or the dark. We need friends who laugh at our bad jokes and tell you when to laugh something off, it's not such a big deal after all. We need friends who tell us what we really look like in skinny jeans and when we've cut our hair way too short. And please don't ever wear that shirt again if you don't want to look like your mother. We need friends who you call up last minute for dinner plans in the back-yard of nothing more then hot-dogs over a fire and marshmallows for the sides. And friends who drive miles to get the one thing you need and can't ask anyone else for. We need friends who give us God's word for a breath of fresh air and His grace when we've screwed up. In motherhood, every single one of us needs a friend.

So today I smile in my heart for the friends I have been so very blessed with. The real, gut wrenching truth filled, Jesus loving, and grace giving friends. Motherhood could very well swallow me whole some days... and it's nice to know that I've got a gal or two just a phone call away, ready to throw me back out for some more because they believe in me...sometimes when I don't believe in myself. Today I am thankful for friendship and motherhood and the real part of relationships that makes this life journey such an adventure. And every time one of my friends celebrates another year, I am right behind them cheering the loudest. Fearfully and wonderfully made they are. Humbly and blissfully I know it. Happy Birthday, friend :)

here I am

I wasn't sure how to write this post. Or if I should. Or when I should. But now is as good a time as ever and I told myself this blog would be a honest place where I could just be me. So here I am.

Life with four kids has been everything and nothing I thought it would be. If that is possible? But I find myself marveling at what God has placed in our care for now and also wondering some days how in the world He trusts us with these 4 little people. I mean, there is major potential to screw them up!  Some days are easier than others, but mostly I am trying to keep my purpose at the forefront of my days and living from that place. It puts most things in a much better perspective when I do!

Adding that fourth bundle of joy brought many things and with her addition brought the fruit basket upset of how we've done life here the last couple years. And it should. Roles would change, people would change, sleeping would change, routines would change, and so on. If there is anything you can count on with a new human coming to your home, it is the act of change being consistent! So with change in the air around here we are just trying to breeze through just where we should all land when this transition is said and done. Just in time for the next change probably!

Most know that for the last 9 years I have done child-care out of my home in some way, shape, or form. With the recent family changes, this just came to a place where it was very hard to juggle both child-care and the speed at which our 4 kids needed something from me. We knew something would have to give and for a short time, my rock-star husband picked up a side job of driving taxi to pay the bills around here while I finished out my pregnancy, had a baby, and helped said family of six transition to new life. Whew. It got a little crazy for awhile :) But we are still standing! I hated sending my already tired husband out though on Saturday nights when he had already worked a very full time job for the week and trying to help him recover from a night of no sleep for days after was not fun. I knew this could not go on forever. But money needed to be made up some where else then...

Here is where my new journey starts. Shortly after Carson was born, a friend of mine handed me a Spark. I was sleep-deprived, exhausted in every way, and living in a fog. What Spark did for me was awesome. I was drinking at least a pot of coffee a day at that time and by the end of the day my gut felt so heavy and ick. I knew it was too much caffeine and I didn't have energy or the sustained mental focus that I deeply craved to function well at home. I can honestly say Spark was great. I even shared it with some other mom-friends and thought how did I not know about this until my third kid!?!? So I enjoyed Spark for a year or so and then decided to look into their vitamins. "Their" is Advocare and I didn't know much about them at the time, other then they produced and sold me my favorite mommy drink!

As I browsed the Advocare website looking at what else they had to offer for products, I stumbled upon their different ways to get a discount. I liked Spark. I wanted to try their vitamins. I was interested in their body cleanse. I wanted a discount. And I wanted to make a few hundred dollars a month to get my husband out of the weekend taxi driving gig. So I called up my Spark giving friend.

My Spark giving friend met me at a park, our kids played, and she explained how Advocare helps people feel better in the health and wellness area. I was very interested in knowing more about the 24 Day Challenge Advocare offered and I was curious how to get my best discount. She filled me in and I came home and shared with Dave that night just what Advocare could possibly do for us... better health, better discount, possible pay check.

I sat on what I learned for a couple days. I wasn't sure I could "sell" stuff. Actually, I knew I couldn't. I am a horrible sales person and hate the business side of that. But I love helping people. And what I learned in the last year and a half was that having a body that felt good could not happen if you didn't have a heart that felt good. And I started to wonder if God was leading me towards a way to help both others through a way of caring not only for their bodies better, but feeding their hearts in a way that would let them really live a full life. Years ago I took a strengths test and Belief was my number one strength. I took the same test a few years ago and it was my number one strength again. To this day, I can not stay with a project or a ministry or job or a purpose in life if it doesn't line up with my beliefs. I get bored, uninterested, and fizzle out very quickly. I know this about myself. So if I decided to step into Advocare, would I be able to do it in a way that was both healing for people's bodies and for their souls? Could I be in the Advocare world in a way that would let me flow from my place of belief? There is a lot of hurting people when it comes to their view of themselves, how they care for themselves, and the way they let their hearts lead them away from His love and grace instead of closer. After spending a chunk of time trying to help my body be healthy for the purpose of better living, I learned that what my heart was doing during that time frame was just as important. And perhaps He is calling me to pay that forward now. To share with others, through Advocare, that healing can happen well when done for both health and heart.

I make no claims to know much about all this, other then through personal experience and His leading. I typically step back when big changes come and when new things get hard, I often like to step away and try to make things go back to "normal". But I have learned to embrace change. I'm practicing it daily. And I think where He has called me, I just need to stand up and say "Here I am". Use me.